Sunday, December 10, 2006
today i went to study with Andrew , Zu and Meh. it was a good studying session as i began my preparation for my test for this coming Tuesday.
However i found out something inside me. Deep inside of me, i am really really sad and therefore these few days i am very moody. i think some of my close friends had already found it out. I dont know what happen but i just felt sad. It seems like there are too many competition and i dont think i manage to catch my breath. It really really very stress and i dont think i can take it anymore.
Hai... i been thinking a lot since yesterday. Am i really so bad that i dont stand to win anything. It true that i care that fucking much to win a single damn award. But somehow i work so hard and it seems that my effort didnt paid off. And yar i am so fucking pissed with the result. I know that it is too late too complain it now when the fact is that i didnt even win anything.
3 competition and not a single award. Can you know how frustrating it is when i gave my all and didnt win any prices. I cant swallow this pain anymore. I not putting the blame on anybody, i just blame it on myself. The pain is seriously unbearable.
Sigh... Seriously, i wonder when i can i get back to my feet when i am confident. Even since i broke up with my ex at may, i seemed to completely change to another person. Yong rui said that i become mature, my friends said that i use more vulgar words, and some of them said that i am such a carefree person. But after giving it a serious thought, I dont think that all those that they said about me is true. I think that i become a person who is timid, less confident, and of course a sore loser.
I got to get back no matter what. I need to change to be a better person. A person who i seriously can be myself and not hide myself from the crowd. I dont want to be a person who is happy on the outside and sad on the inside. It's like the beginning of naruto where he is being left out and hated by every single person. It really hurtful when people just see the shell of a core and not understanding what inside it.
And Andrew thanks for helping me and giving me advice, i really appreciate it. One more person i need to thanks is my best friend and my neighbor, that is yong rui. Thanks for ur advice and your kind patience for having me as a friend despite of some stupid issue that i made a few months ago. And meh and zu thanks for the encouragement u gave it to me today.
Ci Qing roared at
About myself
Age:20
Birthday: 16/07/87
Status:In a Relationship
School: NYP
Misses
"Rabbit"
My handphone
ITE Simei Colleage East
Parents
Sistas
Friends
Wishlist
Tokyo swatches
New shoe
Shirt
Glasses
She be my side
Score well in exam